ALERTS TO TERROR THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE
The English are feeling
the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore
raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though,
security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit
Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940
when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized
from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued
a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the
Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from
“Pissed Off” to “Let’s Get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other
levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the
British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it
has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two
higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag
factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout
Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels
remain: ” Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from
“Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.”
They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new
submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass
bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old
Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level
from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation
levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this
weekend!” and “The barbie is canceled.” So far, no situation has ever
warranted use of the final escalation level.
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