Here -> http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/how-to-not-die-in-a-plane-crash
Here are some highlights (if you haven't read it already):
- Two days before the flight, start crying. It helps to worry literally as much as humanly possible, because everybody knows that worrying about something reduces the likelihood that it will happen.
- When you’re sitting at the terminal, look out the window for clouds. Do some of them look like the kind of clouds that planes could get lost in? If so, call your dad. “Dad, there are weird-looking clouds outside.” “What am I supposed to do about this?” “I’m just letting you know. It’s not too good out there. Not…too…good.”
- Look for babies. This is important because a) probably nothing can happen to babies. And b) they’ll be the first to know that something is wrong. They’re like cats.
- Get the hell off the plane as soon as you can. Be happier to be in an airport than you’ve ever been in your life. Bless this terminal! Bless this Subway and this Cinnabon! Ne’er have you seen such beauty on this Earth! Oh, youth! Oh, life! Everything is so great when you’re on the ground. Nothing bad ever happens down here.
|"Don't worry, we're in charge. Hey! Geez Simpson, how long does it take to make a Gin and tonic?"|